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| Doubtful that anyone was envious of our year in Switzerland. 😀 |
I had a friend in college who was the ultimate
procrastinator. He never seemed to have time to work on his assignments until
the very last minute. We were in a class together that required a fairly major
paper. I began weeks before the due date, gathering information to include in
my thesis. I kept bugging him about his progress, and he always responded that
he hadn’t yet begun.
The night before the paper was due, my friend stayed up the
whole night to write his paper. I had finished my work in good time and was
well rested when we appeared in class together the next day. He was bleary
eyed, but ready to turn in his now completed work.
I was sure that I would get a better grade on my paper since
I spent several weeks on it and didn’t slap it together the night before. To my
surprise and great chagrin, he received a better grade than I.
I wanted so badly to rejoice in his lower grade because I
thought that was what he earned. Rejoicing in the misfortune of others is schadenfreude.
This German word describes the most normal reaction that we humans have when
someone falters. “They got what they deserved,” we are quick to point out.
What if I had rejoiced with my friend on his good fortune
instead? What if I had invited him out to celebrate his good grade? Doing this
would be a concept called “mudita” in Buddhist tradition. I read about this idea
in Douglas Abrams’ book The Book of Joy.
The book records reflections between the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu on the
subject. The discussion is how to mitigate envy that keeps us from experiencing
joy. Instead of being envious of the neighbor who just purchased a BMW, we
should rejoice with them in their good fortune.
In the familiar story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-31),
the older son wallows in self-pity when his father shows unmerited favor on his
wayward son’s behalf. The older son was hoping his younger brother would get
what he deserved and work as a servant for his father. He wanted to rejoice in
his brother’s punishment. That is schadenfreude.
Instead, the father showed mercy on his rebellious son. He gave
him what he needed rather than what he deserved. The banquet he gave for him showed
that he was rejoicing that his lost son was found. If the older brother had
been able to celebrate his brother’s good fortune, he would have shown the
concept of mudita. But like so many of us, he couldn’t. We are overcome with
envy.
Imagine how much easier life for us would be if we could
celebrate the achievements of others rather than be envious of them. As a
spiritual practice, we should make a list of all the times we were jealous of
someone else’s achievements or acquisitions in the past few months, then
redirect our energy to congratulations rather than envy. We would probably see
the other person in a totally different light and help ourselves be much more
contented with who we are and what we have. There is a reason that one of the ten
commandments is about coveting. Exodus 20:17: “You shall not covet your
neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or
female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
That’s a pretty long list. If we could celebrate our neighbor’s house, his
marriage, his mode of transportation or other possessions, according to Desmond
Tutu and the Dalai Lama, we would be much happier.
Schadenfreude, rejoicing in your friend’s or neighbor’s
misfortune, or mudita, rejoicing with them in their good fortune. Which will it
be?
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