My friend was describing how wounded he was from his childhood. Nothing he did in his mother's eyes was good enough, and his father belittled him. (Later in life, he realized they were speaking from their own woundedness, not about his shortcomings. It was their way of trying to encourage him to do better, though they did not understand the impact this had on him). My childhood was somewhat similar; I received very little affirmation from my father and seldom could do anything right in his eyes.
We agreed that personality plays a role in how we respond to our wounded selves. His affected him well into his adulthood, affecting his view of himself and his relationships with others. In contrast, I pushed my wounds aside, playing the class clown and the happy-go-lucky carefree teen.
As I have written in many other places, this all ended for me when I spent over two years in Honduras as a young adult. I was deeply wounded by the poverty I experienced and the response by the majority of the church in North America. Added to that is the political shenanigans of the government of the United States in the region.
As I explained my woundedness to my friend, he looked me directly in the eyes and said: “Your wounds are from God.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I let the profundity of his words sink into me. God had allowed my woundedness in order for me to grow in my spirituality and person. It took years, but like my friend, by recognizing and working on our woundedness, we are both at a better place today. My friend talks with his mom regularly (his father has died), and at the end of each conversation, he tells his mom that he loves her; she says the same back to him as tears well up in her eyes.
Many of my writings affirm that we are “created in the image and likeness of God” (Gen. 1:26 and 27) and “Your are beloved of God.” These are positive aspects that have been received graciously by my readers and audiences of my seminars in the USA, Canada, Switzerland and Colombia. I instruct my students to look into the eyes of others as well as in the mirror and say, “You are beloved of God.” My friend’s comment on woundedness made me turn my thinking in a different direction.
We are all wounded in some form despite being created in God’s image and likeness. We carry scars from our past which gnaw at our wholeness and self-confidence. Henri Nouwen, prolific author on spirituality, has written extensively on both our woundedness and our being beloved of God. The quote in the image above is how I would like to approach this discussion.
Nouwen also states “what is most personal is most universal.” He is quoting psychologist Carl Rodgers. Perhaps we should look into each others’ eyes and let our woundedness connect with the woundedness of the other. By so doing, we create a space within which we can more deeply experience our pain and look to each other for healing. After acknowledging our brokenness, we can begin to reconstruct our wholeness through the affirmations of being loved by God and being made in God’s likeness.
The fact that I became so touched when my friend said: “Your wounds are from God,” would confirm the power of recognizing each other’s woundedness in our conversations. “In our own woundedness, we can become sources of life for others."
Thoughts?
