Barbershop Chit Chat

Before

I detest going to the barber, so when I go I get my hair cut short then let it grow until I get some pointed comments from my loving wife. That's about six weeks--sometimes up to eight. What irks me the most is the chit chat that ensues between the cutter and the cuttee. Here is a sample of my experience today after normal greetings.

Barbette: What have been doing today?

Me: I went to a coffee shop and read. I'm retired. 

Barbertte: That's a quiet place to read, isn't it?

Me: Actually it can be quite noisy depending on how many people are there and how loud they play their music stream!

Barbertte: Yes, I guess that's true. What book are you reading? 

Me: Let me see if I can remember . . . oh, It's called The Girl in the War Room, it's a WWII novel based in London. (Actually I didn't read that book. I only read it the evenings, often when I'm on my exercise bike. I was reading II Kings in my German Bible [why was I scared to tell her that?] and political commentary [you KNOW why I didn't tell her that!])

Barbertte: How do you like the book? 

Me: It's pretty interesting, but started out rather slowly.

Barbertte: Books can be boring. I don't read much. How long have you been retired?

Me: For exactly 10 years this month.

Barbertte: What do you do in your retirement? What do you like the most about your retirement?

Me: That I don't have any deadlines. 

Barbertte: So what do you do?

Me: Go to coffee shops, read, write, take two naps a day.

Barbette: Oh, naps are good! What do you write?

Me: Well, I have a few published books, and I write a blog. 

Barbertte: Sounds interesting. What are you going to write next?

Me: I'm going to write a report about my visit to a barber shop! (I was looking around for a neat photo op, and saw a cool sign that had "Hair cuts 5¢ with hot towels." Then I noticed a mask hanging on either end with big letters: TRUMP. Oops, not going there.)

Barbertte: Really? Are you going to say nice things?

Me: I'll have to see how my haircut turns out! 

Barbertte: (now running out of topics) What did you do on Mother's Day?

Me: My son and three grandchildren came to visit us to deliver a package to my wife.

Barbertte: Wow, you must have had a full house! (what did she think we lived in, a shed? We've hosted all 11 of us on several occasions)

After

Me: What did you do?

Barbertte: We drove around a lot--had dinner with my mom, but had to visit his mom and my grandma. 

Luckily, the coif was nearly completed. 

Barbertte: What are you going to write? Do I pass?

Me: Yes, you pass! (I didn't have the guts to say that she flunked on the chit chat. But at least she gave me something to write about between my two naps.)

Now I'm set for the next month.