Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A Gift of Love: “You are Beloved of God”

Henri Nouwen, prolific Catholic author of books on spirituality, frequently made the case for telling yourself: “You are beloved of God.” Over his short life, Nouwen struggled mightily with believing that he indeed was beloved of God. It was because of sharing from his deepest and darkest self in total vulnerability that he connected with millions of people around the world. Pastors of all denominations listed him as the person most read after the Bible.

In a course that I teach with a colleague on dealing with suffering and loss, at the end of the year, during our final exam, we have students face each other in inside/outside circles, look directly in the eye, and state to each other: “You are beloved of God.” They continue moving to several other students around the circle, then we open it up to anyone. It has a powerful effect. It is almost magical. There is laughter, there are hugs and there are tears.

I have become convinced that our US American culture teaches us to be self-loathing. We get messages from everywhere that we are not good-looking enough, not talented enough, not intelligent enough, not wealthy enough, not spiritual enough. We always compare ourselves with those who excel in the areas where we feel lacking; we never look at those who have less in any given category. The result is thinking that we can never measure up. The advertising industry is astute in capitalizing on this self-hate by providing us with products that will, according to their pitch, make us all the things that we are not.

The magic of the phrase “You are beloved of God,” as we do it in our class, comes about because it is given freely as a gift. The eyes are a window into the soul, and looking into each other’s eyes while stating this simple phrase goes directly to the soul. It connects on a very deep level. It helps us to realize that in God’s eyes we don’t have to measure up to any artificial cultural standard. He loves us as we are.

We had 43 students in our course. It is part of the general education program at Eastern Mennonite University where I teach. It is called the Senior Seminar, and during the semester they are to review their faith development, their cross-cultural experience and their vocational calling while at EMU.
For their final we asked them to reflect on what they had learned in the course, and what they will take with them as they graduate. I was overwhelmed with the gift of love I received from their reflections. Since I will be retiring after this academic year, this is the last time I will be teaching the course. I will forever treasure this gift to me.

Here are a few snapshots of their final reflections: “I learned that I don’t have to fix someone’s pain, that being present with them in silence is enough.” “I will never forget the phrase ‘hurt people hurt people.’ I am hurt and I now realize how I am hurting others.” “I became aware of the poison of unforgiveness. I have had to forgive someone who wronged me.” “I learned that there are many areas in my life that I need to let go. I cannot always be in control.” “I learned that community and our ‘cloud of witnesses’ is very important in dealing with our pain.” “I will always remember that I am beloved of God.” Variations on these statements were repeated numerous times.

What touched me the most, however, were the statements made about their faith. Nearly a half-dozen students said that they returned to a lost faith through the course. One said that she was afraid to talk about her faith thinking that she would be rejected, but she felt affirmed in her unusual spirituality through the course. Most said that their faith was strengthened, that they wanted to commit to deeper spiritual practices like prayer, Bible study, walks in nature and sitting in silence.

Over the nine years that I have taught this course, there have been many satisfying moments. There  have also been ugly moments, perhaps to be expected in a required course. Yet today’s final exercise will forever be etched in my mind as one of the most positive outcomes I have experienced. Thank you students, for this wonderful gift of love. “You are beloved of God!”


Soli Deo gloria

8 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Don. I am moved that you have learned from, and been inspired by, your students. So glad you could enjoy this kind of in-depth learning community as the crowning moment of your career at EMU. Your vocation, of course, has not ended. :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for your comments, Shirley. I especially appreciate you final comment. "Your vocation, of course, has not ended." I don't believe for a minute that it has! I will, however, dearly miss these interactions with young adults.

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  2. Thanks for this Don. I wasn't able to take your class when I needed to do a Senior Sem a couple of years ago. Currently I'm in camping ministry. Would you happen to have some resources for me that I could use for summer staff orientation to help them understand their own journey of suffering they may be experiencing, as well as equipping them to help with campers? Or maybe more realistically, some resources to help me as I mentor and guide my staff on their various journeys?

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    1. Jacob, thank you for your comments. One of the most accessible books is the one we use in our course by Henri Nouwen, "Turn My Mourning into Dancing." I love it that you are thinking about this for your staff and campers! May you sense God's presence in this very valuable work.

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  3. In keeping with "You are Beloved of God", I have found to be just as powerful, a quote of Maya Angelou: "You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody".
    This quote and Nouwen's words, are so counter not only to our culture, but I assert, to the religion we were raised with and still is so prevalent. We were sold fire insurance. 'All based on fear, instead of love! Original sin, instead of "Original blessing". Thanks Don, and blessings to you in your last year at the university.

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    1. Thank you for your comments, Hillel.I totally agree with your take on our culture and our religious background. One thing that is missing from both of these quotes is community. We are beloved of God and needn't prove anything to anybody, but we also need connection to other "beloved of God" people, and see the original blessing in them as well. Thanks again for your interest in my blog and your comments.

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    2. Oops! I inadvertently deleted your comment about completely agreeing! Thanks again for your comments!

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